The Art of Courtship

I have often said that the opposite sex confuses the term "courtship" and thinks that it allows for games.  This is not only true of the opposite sex, but it happens in an analogous fashion in  the business world as well.
In business, you  may come across people who are in roles that they are not well suited for or competent to fill. They coast along playing games and doing subpar work until someone comes in to lead and demands a certain business acumen and a sense of urgency,transparency,a consistent and clearcommunication style and what I like to call "thorough- putting" that are often missing.  These are the same things missing from courtship. .

When those screwing up the business opportunity are evaluated we often see that they had no goals set and no mentors. Likewise many men do not plan for their dating lives and often did not have role models that served as good relationship mentors as it applies to courtship.  They see other men mistreating and objectifying the women they are dating or involved with and think that it is okay. It is not. It never has been. Imagine being in business and mimicking the bad behavior of another company and thinking that you will win in the marketplace. It's absurd.
They come to the opportunity struggling to find their way and diminish the opportunity. They do not pay enough attention to the rules of engagement and are unaware of the criteria and best practices of their competition. Additionally there is a need for grace, humility, and impeccable follow-up that often does not happen.

This is the tragedy of business deals and partnerships gone wrong and of those that could not get off the ground. The opportunity is always and eventually captured by a better, ready more prepared suitor. When  the  necessary skill sets, assets, credentials and ability is missing, then the business cannot take off with the prospect and the opportunity for partnership is lost.  

In business relationships and the male-female courtship this also goes on.  Many men do not have the credentials, lack consistency and therefore do not have a "brand" that the opposite sex wants to connect to. They were not taught and they have not studied the art  of courtship of a woman (client) they want to spend time with; nor have they evaluated the needs,  but they expect that  something will take off/ the business will grow/launch and that she will stay. This is not likely when the woman has great personal esteem and is a true commodity.

Like with business, when there is not a proper strategy, a lack of brand presence and no  informed execution, production and marketing are slow to materialize.  The competitor is more likely to capture the opportunity and dare I say, gain the market share of attention  from the "prospect."

Men: Affluent, worthy, healthy,well heeled, good looking, soulful  and available women are thinking more critically about business as more of us are  in leadership positions. We are asserting our place within business and correlating our relationships in kind. If you do not have good manners, save your self sometime and do not approach her. The smartest amongst us women are planners looking to partner only with men who also have a plan and can manage to the long term in an exclusive and incomparable fashion.We are self confident and full of love. We are learning that like in business planning and relationships on solid footing are critical. We are not looking for it from you. We expect to see it in you.

Like in business, if a man is interested in a woman he better draft the deal terms fairly quickly and at the very least have a strong  executive summary of his intent such that the benefits of pairing are obvious. Bring your A game to the court as it is filled with  potential suitors. And truthfully if you A game is set  you will never have to worry about a plan B.

The ability to court a lady is like the ability to innovate. It has to happen daily, creatively, often, and consciously in terms of fulfilling  her needs and wants. Like with innovation, if there is something that is unknown, the proper research must be done.  A man  focused on a particular woman must study her as if she is a market  that he is looking to compete and seen as the best in class in. Expect her to be worthy of the engagement and follow through. She will give you the signals that all systems are go as you build.  Like in client services,in a business  a man must assess and figure out by asking her, what she wants, be clear and articulate in communicating he wants, ask and know where she sees herself long- term, and be transparent about the assets he has to pair with hers and what he wants from the deal.   

In the art of courtship each party must work towards affinity and exclusivity.  A focus on too many potential customers can cause you to loose the one you do have. Right?   
Each must be honest about what are the most desirable outcomes and whether they have what it takes to move things to that specific end. Are you well equipped?


Be it  regular phone calls, spending time together, arriving on time, planning ahead, showing open appreciation, and being honest .. all these things go together to create a great partnership in business and a respectable and hopeful courtship.  No world dominating, but going about the world together well works.


Finally, in terms of communication, while there are mobile devices, twitter,facebook, and texting like mad. They have their place and they can be quite impersonal; creating exact   limits in the business world and so too in romance and courtship.  Talking on the phone or sitting face to face still reigns supreme. A hand written note? Winner.  Do not text someone to ask them out or update them on what is going on with you. It's can be tacky and does not set you apart. There are so many "textual" relationships that people quickly become complacent. Where you see it happening too much you could do well to stop. It sets a low standard for the courtship. Be certain to return calls in a timely fashion and do know that calls always going to voice mail  or full voicemail is bad for the courtship and in fact is a total turnoff to many women and men alike actually. In the days of  caller ID we have the opportunity like in business to prioritize and choose our  level of engagement. An occasional email is okay, but it is only okay in combination with regular and live face to face verbal communication.  

Make sure you are mentally, emotionally, and spiritually prepared and endowed for courtship.If you read this as needing to be superior, so be it.  If you are not it is best to just be 'in the network' with that of your liking until you truly have it together and understand that courtship is discipline and  it the work you do for the reward of company,partnership  and status  as an exclusive partner. If it is not your pleasure ..you do not have to do it.

Men - It is a highly competitive field that you are in. No matter how women out number you the quest for a quality partner is when the ratios become more equitable. You can get a lot of low quality experiences. They are available now. However if you seek to court a woman of high prestige, class, manners, affluence, and spiritual aptitude.. cultivate and bring on one game ....your A game.  

- Adrienne A. Wallace