A Blog by Adrienne Wallace

  The Awakening    A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out -" ENOUGH! " Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening . You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change... or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of  "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptan...

My dear friend who lives all too far away asked me how she could go about communicating the end of a relationship to someone who she loses courage to let go of  when they are face to face. She said it was only because she 'cannot stand the look of devastation that would be in his eyes'. I told her the "devastation" was stringing that person along when she knew it was over.  She said, "He is not the 'him' that I need or want." I then told her to write about it. I find that for those of us tied( professionally and personally) to media and artistic expression, it is easier to get it out that way. We read look or listen to it and all of a sudden ..courage to make it happen face to face comes along. In fact, I think this works well for almost anybody. She said she would try and in my own knowing of myself and imagining what I would do if the situation were mine, I wrote a piece that would be my spiritual and poetic truth if I had to cut the wrong one...

Fl ashback 1996:  There was so much going on and there always is. I woke up. I felt a racing inside.  It was as if the blood inside of me had congealed and taken on race car status.  The rush. I asked myself -  Is this just coming awake?  Or is it that thing called anxiety? Why would I be anxious? I was dutiful, prayerful ( and now still I am) . I  was doing this every day.  It was law school. One of the best in the nation. Makes me a best too no? Get up, get washed, rub and oil down.  Brush and separate. Push up against the mirror.  Check my pores. Hot rag. Cold rag.  Smooth my brows. Rub the back of my neck. Smile at myself.  Check my booty.  Rise on my toes.  Stretch my body.  Dress. Find my keys Grab my 15 pound bag of books I go.  Day after day ...I went.  One day ... I stopped.  Looked at myself.  Deeper. From Terence A. Scott's upcoming Stripped Awakened 1997 to Present day No that...

Do you know that amidst the hustle and bustle of it all, despite the fear and dissatisfaction that we sometimes feel in our lives, God waits patiently for us to exercise the will and courage to get to our " allstate"? That Divine One is saying . "You were made in love, designed for love, originally accepting and deserving of love. That is your allstate. " If your God does not say this to you..if it doesn't resonate, let me introduce you to it today. How do we get there? Back to the middle? We are going to have to be really selective in our personal lives and happiness is the only alternative. Nothing should be increasingly difficult when we are sure of the bliss God intends. I think it is extremely important to let each person know what expectations we have of our lives and we must tell them and have them understand that what we want from them is only the things which support our life goals. It is in fact, a call to them to bring their best selves into ...

This is for the many multifaceted women of the world...Is there a better creation than us really? I often wonder, but I also wonder about what some of us lack. No better time to talk about us women than this March (2009) and onward when we observe, Women's History Month. So I decided to talk about a really big thing. Self-esteem, it is something that I have wondered if we are born with. Webster's dictionary defines it as — n. proper esteem or regard for the dignity of one's character. I believe that some of us just intuitively have a sense of high worth and dare I say, our divinity. This thing, self -esteem and respect is more likely a result of nurture than nature though. However, when I see the dainty ways, confidence and energy of some baby girls that I know ..I do have to wonder if it is actually inborn. My feelings are mixed on that. The idea that being influenced, taught, loved, and collaborating with people who have a strong sense of self respect themsel...