11 is the Number after 10! - October 11, 2011 ( 10/11/11)
So much time gone by already, a year of birthdays, anniversaries, deaths, milestones, and life changing events and lots of learning. Since, I want to take these last remaining weeks of 2011 focused both professionally and spiritually ..I share this with you.
It comes from the living and study and experience of a common theme in all of our lives. What greater gift than something that connects us all eh? Forgive the typos. "I am perfect in the least bit' and neither is spell check,but I do have perfect love for humankind. Oh and if you do not read all of this ...I forgive you.
Forgiveness is a wonderful, fascinating and fabulous process that engages the five necessary parts: spiritual, psychological, emotional,mental and physical levels of our being at once. I have not given birth to any babies as yet but I do liken' it to that and nothing else.(My Texas accent)
I've studied a lot of them and I do believe that most all of the world's religions acknowledge forgiveness as one of the highest expressions of humanity. It is a refreshing common thread. Therefore it can be said that the ability to forgive bounds the spirit to its higher calling.
The exercise of forgiveness however, elevates the spirit and allows your life to take flight. No, no it is not too late. I think that although many of us acknowledge that forgiveness is a wonderful concept, very few of us know how to practice it effectively. This is okay we are all learning, but it is truly time to get on the path. I remember a few years ago sending notes of forgiveness to certain people in my life. I was in essence releasing them and freeing myself towards higher blessings. What happened? None of them responded to these notes in any particular way.
One person in particular, I may never talk to again, the other was a resucee and rescuer in my life and reaches out without calling, the other is still present in my life and while we do not see each other often, I know that he is still around. I am okay with the way that all of these relationships have played out as I have freed myself by forgiving them.
A little introspection is always needed in this process. If you look inside yourself and realize that you are harboring one or more resentments that cause bitterness in your heart, and would like to initiate the process of forgiveness, here are some tips on how you might proceed. You may have to repeat this process several times, if it turns out you were not ready to fully release your hurt, and if you are still too consumed by anger.If you are stubborn..it will be a true work out for the spirit. This is a practice that will drive you to tears(trust me on this one..been there), but I do promise you that I have known a happiness that I can call "blissful" in spite of present or past trials with other people because I have exercised these steps. Won't you join me?
1. Please first do understand that forgiving does not mean forgetting, or saying that it's okay for the behavior to be repeated. It does not mean saying that what was done is respected or accepted. Forgiveness is often needed for behaviors that were disrespectful and unacceptable and that you should avoid or not ever allow to be repeated.
2. Recognize that YOU are the only one who is being hurt by your non-forgiveness. You feel the anger, the tightness in your stomach and chest , YOU are the one that suffers from the lack of sleep.YOU are the one that ends up alone when you are trying to punish someone else, ...you end up punishing the other people around you who could never deserve it. YOU are the one that ultimately will lose. YOU are the one rehearsing in your mind what you would like to say or do to 'punish' them. Take a chill pill.... It is not worth it. If there is some legal means to right a wrong exercise that and let it be. YOUR ENERGY is needed elsewhere for your betterment and the betterment and healing of our world. Yes, my friends... I think YOU are that big. When there is no forgiveness, the bitterness lingers -- and when you could be enjoying today's pleasures, you are upsetting yourself with yesterday's trespasses. It makes you sick.
This is an unkind way to treat yourself. You give control of your emotions to the person or event that hurt you. It's likely that person was not even seeking that from you. I'm not talking a criminal acts here people, I am talking other trespassing that interrupts the peace that belongs to our souls. It typically comes from people we know often very well (or at least think we do), for a long time, or in familial ways. And what? They are on and about their way not knowing how they hurt you and likely not caring either. It's been said that the best response is your own calmness.
Calmness is the revenge you seek. Become a student of PEACE by releasing the toxicity and surrendering to the light. The light wants YOU so badly. It is almost as if it not only shows up, but it calls ..."will you come?"
Close your eyes for a moment and you cannot deny that there is some semblance of light behind your lids. No matter how small, that is indicative that the light holds a place for you. I said it. The light is incomplete and not as brilliant without you!!!!!
3. Make a written list of what specific actions you need to forgive. Yes make a list and get it out of the archival that is your brain and heart. It is taking up the space where good things belong. Now bullet points: What was actually done that caused your pain? What did you do to bring it on yourself? YES what did you do? You know the deal right? Three sides: Yours, theirs,and THE WAY IT IS.
4. Acknowledge your part in each of the items on your list. This is of the utmost importance because we often attract what offends us most or at least energize it by our actions. Did you stay when you could or should have left? Did you draw this energy to you in some manner? If so, then you, too, have some responsibility. Seeing this allows you move away from that victim stance. The process of forgiveness allows not so much for victims as it allows for learners and survivors.
5. Realize that the other person(s) did the best that they could have done. YOU may think this is a cope out and letting them off too easy, but really .... Why do you want to hold on when it hurt you, disenfranchised you or your efforts, displaced your spirit? LET GO! Why did the person hurt us? They, like you are an imperfect human being. Some of us are more fractured than others . Some of us arrive that way through experience and others are truly born fractured. This is the hardest thing I have come to realize and it is through seeing my own fractures that this was revealed to me. I learned this through studying pictures of people and I have come to understand that it never really is about us. People who hurt us are who they are before us. An unhappy person was unhappy long before we realized it. They were on the road to doing something hurtful before you decided to get on that roadway yourself. Sometimes you can do things to intercept and make it better, but often times you cannot. Instead of thinking that you would never do such an offense, realize that if you had been that person (with his or her karmic situation), you could have done exactly the same thing. I have to continuously remind myself to live the mantra of ..WE ARE NOT THAT SEPARATE! Ooh child, I know this truth ... it's challenging ! So I tell myself and I tell you ...The incident was not about you; it was about the wrongdoer's misguided attempt to meet his or her own needs. EGO. I think I and say " It is what it is!" That coupled with your own ....Ooh lawd! (lol) BUT ... I believe... Forgive them / US Lord for they / WE know not what they do. Sometimes we are just idiots.
6. Acknowledge the futility of "grudges." Sometimes we hold a grudge as if that would punish the person, but it rarely has that effect. Nor does it assure that he or she will behave better in the future.It does not service the good intended for you to hold a grudge. The person that suffers is you and the person is the next coming into your emotional domain. Not fair ! Some people actually prefer holding on to resentments because of the hidden "fringe benefits" or payoffs. Examine what your possible pay-offs there may be in your playing the victim or martyr roles. Is there someone you are keeping in your life by playing victim? You play victim, they or someone else associated with them feels guilty and so in some way they stay with you? It is probably so and that person may not even be around in body or they departed from this place long ago. Nothing worst that holding a grudge against dead people.
Well forgiveness also means you release them so they can expend their energy on others as well as they have on you. Your hope in releasing them is that no matter your benefit whoever comes next benefits better. Very Selfless huh? YES ! You can do it ..Sacrifice you for the greater good. Forgiveness means that you are giving to more than just yourself. Your releasing you light energy unto the world. Is this hard? Well then ask yourself why you cannot or will not forgive. Is it an excuse for your own destructive behavior?
7. Acknowledge to yourself in writing or out loud what you have ever gained from the relationship with the person(s) who hurt you. There is value in all things. What have you learned? This is not hard.. I SAID ( louder this time) " there is value in all things." There is a gift left behind. Embrace it.
8.Center yourself, and verbally forgive yourself first for anything you might have done, on any level, to contribute to this hurt and resentment. You might say, "I completely forgive myself for anything I have done to contribute to _____." Ask your Higher Spirit to grant you that same forgiveness and it will be done.
9. In a similar manner, express forgiveness for the hurts on your list, one by one. Allow yourself to experience the full range of feelings that come into play. This is where you can cry now. Really this is the best time so go ahead and do it. Let GO and Let it Flow. If you are around other people..tell somebody you are about to embark on a release that may accompany a yelling, screaming, crying, type a thing. Unless they think you stopped breathing preface them to leave you alone. Oh ..and you are not allowed to trash the place.
10. Create a freedom ceremony where you get rid of your resentments, symbolizing the ending of the links between you. That does not mean that certain things go out of your heart; just the yucky stuff. LET YOUR HEART BE A STOREHOUSE OF GOODNESS. ( Is that in the bible?..I digress) Basically, you can choose to visualize placing them( the bad experiences) on a raft and watching it drift gently away down a river. You may prefer to burn them and scatter the ashes of your resentment list. Get rid of those things that connect you to the bad experience and hold you back from forgiveness. Things carry energies and when we associate bad energies with certain things ..it is truly harmful. Disposal of pictures, letters, ticket stubs, gifts, greeting cards, souvenirs, clothes,the old emails, bills that are resolved ( just added that one) and even moving to a new space may be necessary. If something is a reminder but has particular value then ... Don't Go Crazy. Donate or sell it and essentially allow it to now have a new good or better benefit to yourself or someone outside of yourself.
The exercise of forgiveness however, elevates the spirit and allows your life to take flight. No, no it is not too late. I think that although many of us acknowledge that forgiveness is a wonderful concept, very few of us know how to practice it effectively. This is okay we are all learning, but it is truly time to get on the path. I remember a few years ago sending notes of forgiveness to certain people in my life. I was in essence releasing them and freeing myself towards higher blessings. What happened? None of them responded to these notes in any particular way.
One person in particular, I may never talk to again, the other was a resucee and rescuer in my life and reaches out without calling, the other is still present in my life and while we do not see each other often, I know that he is still around. I am okay with the way that all of these relationships have played out as I have freed myself by forgiving them.
A little introspection is always needed in this process. If you look inside yourself and realize that you are harboring one or more resentments that cause bitterness in your heart, and would like to initiate the process of forgiveness, here are some tips on how you might proceed. You may have to repeat this process several times, if it turns out you were not ready to fully release your hurt, and if you are still too consumed by anger.If you are stubborn..it will be a true work out for the spirit. This is a practice that will drive you to tears(trust me on this one..been there), but I do promise you that I have known a happiness that I can call "blissful" in spite of present or past trials with other people because I have exercised these steps. Won't you join me?
1. Please first do understand that forgiving does not mean forgetting, or saying that it's okay for the behavior to be repeated. It does not mean saying that what was done is respected or accepted. Forgiveness is often needed for behaviors that were disrespectful and unacceptable and that you should avoid or not ever allow to be repeated.
2. Recognize that YOU are the only one who is being hurt by your non-forgiveness. You feel the anger, the tightness in your stomach and chest , YOU are the one that suffers from the lack of sleep.YOU are the one that ends up alone when you are trying to punish someone else, ...you end up punishing the other people around you who could never deserve it. YOU are the one that ultimately will lose. YOU are the one rehearsing in your mind what you would like to say or do to 'punish' them. Take a chill pill.... It is not worth it. If there is some legal means to right a wrong exercise that and let it be. YOUR ENERGY is needed elsewhere for your betterment and the betterment and healing of our world. Yes, my friends... I think YOU are that big. When there is no forgiveness, the bitterness lingers -- and when you could be enjoying today's pleasures, you are upsetting yourself with yesterday's trespasses. It makes you sick.
This is an unkind way to treat yourself. You give control of your emotions to the person or event that hurt you. It's likely that person was not even seeking that from you. I'm not talking a criminal acts here people, I am talking other trespassing that interrupts the peace that belongs to our souls. It typically comes from people we know often very well (or at least think we do), for a long time, or in familial ways. And what? They are on and about their way not knowing how they hurt you and likely not caring either. It's been said that the best response is your own calmness.
Calmness is the revenge you seek. Become a student of PEACE by releasing the toxicity and surrendering to the light. The light wants YOU so badly. It is almost as if it not only shows up, but it calls ..."will you come?"
Close your eyes for a moment and you cannot deny that there is some semblance of light behind your lids. No matter how small, that is indicative that the light holds a place for you. I said it. The light is incomplete and not as brilliant without you!!!!!
3. Make a written list of what specific actions you need to forgive. Yes make a list and get it out of the archival that is your brain and heart. It is taking up the space where good things belong. Now bullet points: What was actually done that caused your pain? What did you do to bring it on yourself? YES what did you do? You know the deal right? Three sides: Yours, theirs,and THE WAY IT IS.
4. Acknowledge your part in each of the items on your list. This is of the utmost importance because we often attract what offends us most or at least energize it by our actions. Did you stay when you could or should have left? Did you draw this energy to you in some manner? If so, then you, too, have some responsibility. Seeing this allows you move away from that victim stance. The process of forgiveness allows not so much for victims as it allows for learners and survivors.
5. Realize that the other person(s) did the best that they could have done. YOU may think this is a cope out and letting them off too easy, but really .... Why do you want to hold on when it hurt you, disenfranchised you or your efforts, displaced your spirit? LET GO! Why did the person hurt us? They, like you are an imperfect human being. Some of us are more fractured than others . Some of us arrive that way through experience and others are truly born fractured. This is the hardest thing I have come to realize and it is through seeing my own fractures that this was revealed to me. I learned this through studying pictures of people and I have come to understand that it never really is about us. People who hurt us are who they are before us. An unhappy person was unhappy long before we realized it. They were on the road to doing something hurtful before you decided to get on that roadway yourself. Sometimes you can do things to intercept and make it better, but often times you cannot. Instead of thinking that you would never do such an offense, realize that if you had been that person (with his or her karmic situation), you could have done exactly the same thing. I have to continuously remind myself to live the mantra of ..WE ARE NOT THAT SEPARATE! Ooh child, I know this truth ... it's challenging ! So I tell myself and I tell you ...The incident was not about you; it was about the wrongdoer's misguided attempt to meet his or her own needs. EGO. I think I and say " It is what it is!" That coupled with your own ....Ooh lawd! (lol) BUT ... I believe... Forgive them / US Lord for they / WE know not what they do. Sometimes we are just idiots.
6. Acknowledge the futility of "grudges." Sometimes we hold a grudge as if that would punish the person, but it rarely has that effect. Nor does it assure that he or she will behave better in the future.It does not service the good intended for you to hold a grudge. The person that suffers is you and the person is the next coming into your emotional domain. Not fair ! Some people actually prefer holding on to resentments because of the hidden "fringe benefits" or payoffs. Examine what your possible pay-offs there may be in your playing the victim or martyr roles. Is there someone you are keeping in your life by playing victim? You play victim, they or someone else associated with them feels guilty and so in some way they stay with you? It is probably so and that person may not even be around in body or they departed from this place long ago. Nothing worst that holding a grudge against dead people.
Well forgiveness also means you release them so they can expend their energy on others as well as they have on you. Your hope in releasing them is that no matter your benefit whoever comes next benefits better. Very Selfless huh? YES ! You can do it ..Sacrifice you for the greater good. Forgiveness means that you are giving to more than just yourself. Your releasing you light energy unto the world. Is this hard? Well then ask yourself why you cannot or will not forgive. Is it an excuse for your own destructive behavior?
7. Acknowledge to yourself in writing or out loud what you have ever gained from the relationship with the person(s) who hurt you. There is value in all things. What have you learned? This is not hard.. I SAID ( louder this time) " there is value in all things." There is a gift left behind. Embrace it.
8.Center yourself, and verbally forgive yourself first for anything you might have done, on any level, to contribute to this hurt and resentment. You might say, "I completely forgive myself for anything I have done to contribute to _____." Ask your Higher Spirit to grant you that same forgiveness and it will be done.
9. In a similar manner, express forgiveness for the hurts on your list, one by one. Allow yourself to experience the full range of feelings that come into play. This is where you can cry now. Really this is the best time so go ahead and do it. Let GO and Let it Flow. If you are around other people..tell somebody you are about to embark on a release that may accompany a yelling, screaming, crying, type a thing. Unless they think you stopped breathing preface them to leave you alone. Oh ..and you are not allowed to trash the place.
10. Create a freedom ceremony where you get rid of your resentments, symbolizing the ending of the links between you. That does not mean that certain things go out of your heart; just the yucky stuff. LET YOUR HEART BE A STOREHOUSE OF GOODNESS. ( Is that in the bible?..I digress) Basically, you can choose to visualize placing them( the bad experiences) on a raft and watching it drift gently away down a river. You may prefer to burn them and scatter the ashes of your resentment list. Get rid of those things that connect you to the bad experience and hold you back from forgiveness. Things carry energies and when we associate bad energies with certain things ..it is truly harmful. Disposal of pictures, letters, ticket stubs, gifts, greeting cards, souvenirs, clothes,the old emails, bills that are resolved ( just added that one) and even moving to a new space may be necessary. If something is a reminder but has particular value then ... Don't Go Crazy. Donate or sell it and essentially allow it to now have a new good or better benefit to yourself or someone outside of yourself.
11. Visualize the person you are forgiving being blessed by your forgiveness and, as a result, being freed from continuing the behavior that hurt you. Your pain was for the greater good in a way and you survived. See them at peace, happy, giggly, healthy, prosperous. Seeing someone having the good you would have for yourself works in this world that is full of karma. ( Think Color Purple) ..loved that scene Whoopi!
Right now as you think of a hurt or resentment inside, remember that you do have a choice. You can decide to be responsible for what you are feeling and get it out. You can seek therapy, pray, seek spiritual communion, start living in truth, separate yourself from desperate acts which is typical of people who have something they need to forgive and even to be forgiven for. These are just some ways we can resolve and release bitterness, hurt and any resentment that is clogging up our hearts and life and blocking the JOY LIGHT. Do this so that the AWAKENING of the HIGHER SPIRIT and love of yourself and others (which by the way... is your birthright)can again flow through you, and through everyone else you come in contact with. It will also open up the possibility of greater love and intimacy for you as well.
We all get the chance at some point to make life better for others and if we fail to do so, we could be wasting our time on Planet Earth. If people are not gracious and you make your attempts, forgive them and forgive yourself for not recognizing the experience with them as something that could have caused you pain before it happened. It's not personal. People are who they are.
You are here to be good but not psychic even though I think many of us are. I know that is a strong order, but truly ..it's real. No matter what our situation in life,we are here to serve, to carry the light even if that sometimes means making the greatest sacrifice of all which is often to let go.
In the doing of it just forgive. Remember also that the way a person treats you is their karma. The way you react is yours.
In the doing of it just forgive. Remember also that the way a person treats you is their karma. The way you react is yours.
Oh and yes..If I have done something to offend, hurt, dishearten you I too ask for your forgiveness. Please grant me that so you and the world you are part of can be well on its way just as I have chosen to be. Now, go hug somebody ...sincerely.
Love and Light, Heart's Desires fulfilled...
~ Adrienne A. Wallace aka Your" A" the Girl Scout (just leaving the campsite better than she found it).
Well, I am crying... But tears are the outward expression of the inner change. I have experienced the freedom that forgiveness provides. Points #4 and #8 were the toughest for me. But I remember the exact moment when I realized I was responsible for the energy I was drawing towards myself. WOW!!! What a humbling moment. I can also recall the steps of the gradual process of forgiving myself. This one I still struggle with on a daily basis. But I also know that my God made me, He knows me, and if He forgives me, I have to try to follow His example and forgive myself.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this. For the reminder that there will always be people to forgive, and that I will always need to be forgiven by those that I have unintentionally hurt.
May peace and blessings, be what continues to guide you, follow you and inspire you.