Skip to main content

Finding the Center - Then and Now

Flashback 1996: 

There was so much going on and there always is.
I woke up. I felt a racing inside. 
It was as if the blood inside of me had congealed and taken on race car status. 
The rush.
I asked myself - 
Is this just coming awake? 
Or is it that thing called anxiety?
Why would I be anxious?
I was dutiful, prayerful ( and now still I am) .
I  was doing this every day. 
It was law school. One of the best in the nation.
Makes me a best too no?
Get up, get washed, rub and oil down. 
Brush and separate.
Push up against the mirror. 
Check my pores. Hot rag. Cold rag. 
Smooth my brows.
Rub the back of my neck.
Smile at myself. 
Check my booty. 
Rise on my toes. 
Stretch my body. 
Dress.
Find my keys
Grab my 15 pound bag of books
I go. 
Day after day ...I went. 
One day ... I stopped. 
Looked at myself. 
Deeper.
From Terence A. Scott's upcoming Stripped



Awakened 1997 to Present day
No that was not the way. 
You see, when this was happening, I realized that the rush to get on with the day was not about the bathroom and getting in and out in 30 minutes or so. 
It was about the grace I needed to be all that I could be for the day. 
Just for the day. 
Where I was going was dictating time beyond my moment. 
I was checking my self in the mirror again.
There are no mirrors when we go inside. 
Mirrors are the egos instrument. 
How could I meditate to be in the moment and then run off to review the past so that I could plot my future?
This was not the way. 
It was not enough for me to pray. 
My prayer was the medium of miracles for everyone but me.
Still is.
Except now I know that as I pray for others I pray for my self. One of one.
So now people say, " You aren't mad/ upset with them?" 
I am not. 
Love at the center knows no anger. 
I live and operate from that center.
Forgiveness is a feature of my spiritual being now.
... For they know not what they do.

Crying does not foreshadow that an infant is new and so too is my approach with people. 
A toddler may submit you to a tantrum, if you withhold a cookie.
In grown folk I see his, her, and their toddler selves.

I needed something more. 
I found it.
Meditation helped me to stop, still, and grow. 
Makes you stop.
Brings the moment into clear view. 
No longer was my value connected to becoming a particular type of professional.
Integrity and self awareness.
Letting go of egoic concern of another person's opinion
of me. 
Understanding that opinions on the outside could rupture the soul tunnel if I was not first less harmful and more loving to me. 
This came. 

Relationships came into full view.
I realized that some pursuits were attempts to use one relationship at the expense or to gain advantage in another and without mutual benefit.
Along flowed emotions of guilt. 
Equally enlightening and more beneficial was the arrival.
The arrival of forgiveness.
It was impossible now to condemn any part of a relationship and find peace with the whole person.
I learned to find peace with all of it and not blame anyone.
I evaluated only my response.
I acknowledged that all cause was not in my control.
Through this, I gifted myself with what the Universe had packaged for me to open at my birth...
Joy. 
This is freedom that meditation affords.
My "now eyes "go outward towards others and I can simply feel the best part of the connection we have.Forges my marriage to the center of my being. 
Sets me free. 
Allows me to honor the source that...
Sets you free.
No expectations.
Sometimes I don't respond. 
I just know something is there and often without definition..that is enough. 
To just be.
Absolute comfort with nothingness and 
Joy in the delivery of truth. 
No anger at what you express as your own. 
Understanding that we each have our own experience. 
Named separate but much the same.
Desire revealed. 
Naked and pure.
Helps me to be whole.
Aids restoration of my soul.
Through act and energy...
Reminds me that our world is safe.

Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing this A... yours is a very comforting journey. I think we all can relate.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautifully written and contagiously inspiring! Thank you for starting my day in the now!

    Much Luv
    ~BC~

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are a blessing! Wonderful words:)

    ReplyDelete
  4. This was a great piece and gives even further insight into the woman you are today!!! Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Show some respect. He is not your companion. He is your Commander -In - Chief.

The blatant and horrid disrespect of our Nation's President started long before the State of the Union address where he was called a " liar"  and continues with  even worse name calling and racial attacks. Our President may be referred to as the following:  " Mr. President", "The Honorable Barack Obama", "His Excellency,  Barack Obama", and of course President Obama.  Nothing less is acceptable. Even referencing him by first name alone (as many people do) is out of line unless you are First Lady Michelle Obama. While I think we are a global family, I also think these ongoing episodes do much to  further segregate America and give it the image of our country as a place of disgrace, disuntity, and hate. Imagine trying to explain it to a 5 year old who followed the campaign and elections with her family and proudly declared that " Our President is Barack Obama and Ms. Michelle looks like my Nana." (*my heart breaks for

Just Ask

Just Ask.... The other day I was asked how it is that I am so drawn to the image of Buddah and I responded. " It is a very peaceful image for me." There is a bit of a smile ...or not, but the face looks content and even like a baby. What well person can be upset with a baby? I also cannot help but think of a flower and the humility of growth when I see the image of Buddah. There are several Buddah statues throughout my home. They soften my already softly and thoughtfully appointed living, working, bathing and sleeping spaces. They are comfortable places to be. Buddah was a prince that gave up all of his wordly possessions to have an ultimate peace. All the trappings ...given away. With that thought, I also shared that a flower is something that I wonder if any one human being could be upset with. I think it is nearly impossible to do that too. Perhaps this is because we all know that flowers, as commonplace as they are, do not just occur. They are a part of a miracle. I i

LETTING GO....

  L-E-T-T-I-N-G    G-O You have seen these words before..yes? Very simply written in nine letters. “L e tting  go .” Why does it make you uncomfortable?  It is simply an action that you as a human being experience every single day, just by physically and chemically existing.  It is an action that occurs when you have complete trust in your intuition ; that heaven sent voice inside of you. You know the one you may not always agree with, but the angels are so fond of you ..they send it into your ears, head, heart , and sometimes your eyes? If you are reading this your eyes open and they shut very quickly ..it is called "blinking" but in fact it is letting go and it happens very quickly. As we blink old light goes away and we allow new light to come in …seeing the next moment. As you turned on your computer or device you may have pressed a button, touched the screen, flipped a switch. As you clicked on your mouse, stroked and released keys on the keyboard, raised your fin